Asos.com

I may have mentioned Asos before as one of my favourite things from the land of tea and crumpets but it now gets even better! With the strength of our little Aussie dollar against the pound, it now makes for some serious shopping. 

Not only do they  have a constant clearance section that with our opposing seasons is always on trend for us. They have just introduced an express option for the ladies of the land down under that promises delivery within 5 days!  

Go forth and multiple your wardrobe ladies!

my fair lady...

When I arrived at the Caulfield Cup on Saturday I had imagined ladies and gentleman in their finery. All 'Yes sir Mr Higgins" and "Jolly good show" but this illusion was quickly shattered before we even got out of the car.

My girlfriend and I arrived at the track right on high noon and we noticed it wasn't just the noon that was high. Hemlines had shot up to a visible butt crease level in fabrics that were soft and floaty. Meaning that with the slightest hint of a breeze these girls vajayjay's were footlose and fancy free.

The fascinators were not exactly fascinating and shoes were of course impractical and coupled with cans of Jim Beam (sipped through a straw of course. Classy) created a walk I can only describe as a loping like knock kneed camels kind of action. 

But my main concern was the fact that 80% of women looked like freshly painted Oompa-Loompas that had been caught in the rain. They had also neglected to rub their Le Tan in Le Can right up onto their butt cheeks so when their dresses went AWOL their 'bronzed' tan became even less conspicuous.

Now I'm not hating on fake and bakers as I am one myself and every fair skinned lass has had her fair share of tanning disasters but ladies this was ridiculous.

Some things I've Learned:

1. Wear Gloves!

2. Use a tanner that goes on brown so you can see straight away if you've missed a spot

3. Rub the schiz in! EVERYWHERE!

4. Tan two days before your event, that way it will fade to leave a SUBTLE tan

There were two types of males; the shiny suited, greasy haired, bling earred fellas and the shirt with a skew-if tie and oakley sunglasses on head boys.

After being in General Admin for half an hour shamelessly gawking at the circus around us, our members passes finally turned up. As soon as we swiped our way in the crowd transformed. Boys turned into men and ladettes turned to ladies. Still not on the scale I had expected to find at the races but saturday was definitely an eye opening example of the juxtaposition between the classes.

titt for tatt, a lesson in cool

There's something going on around here.... Fashion and the 'finer' sex have finally pushed the ancient art form of ink into the mainstream. Fashion has it's very own circle of life and many trends are started by our inner rebel without a cause. We take something that is taboo and spread it through the masses like religion on crack. 

Tans were once considered a sign of a commoner. Someone who toiled in the fields whilst rich fair maidens perched under umbrellas (Most likely held by one of those tanned folk). I would like to think this concept was crushed by the dissolution of the classes but unfortunately it seems the rich fair maidens had just decided to rebel. The cause for trading the umbrella for a banana lounge occurred in 1923 when Miss Coco Chanel was spotted leaving a nobleman's yacht with a deep suntan. She had spent her summer cruising to Cannes and really who didn't want to look like they had spent the summer cruising the Côte d'Azur. Coco later claimed to have stayed out in the sun too long but it was too late. A trend was born and black became the new black. 

Cultures across the ages have embraced tattoos using them as a form of marking milestones and body decoration and yet western society again thought it a practice for the exotic and the commoner. The stigma only began to dissolve when again the fashion pack started jumping on the needle in the noughties. Victoria Beckham's Hebrew script "I am my beloved and my beloved is mine" that she shares with her hubby Goldenballs is even considered chic. 

They have now become a fashion accessory, a statement, an extension of who we are. Trend's in tattooing are even as fluid as fashion in the high street. With the most recent trend for sleeves in the style of presenter Ruby Rose or my favourite beehived mess Amy Winehouse or smaller symbols and script à la Erin Wasson and Rihanna scattered across the body. From wrists to ribs anyone who is anyone is getting inked titt for tatt.